Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two Engineering students were walking across campus when one said,'Where did you get such a great bike? 'The second Engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along the road yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want. ''The second Engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.'

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the Engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Four
The graduate with a Science degree asks, 'Why does it work?' The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?' The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?' The graduate with an Arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Five
Three Engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, 'It was a Mechanical Engineer.' Just look at all the joints.' Another said, 'No, it was an Electrical Engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. 'The last one said, 'Actually it must have been a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
An Architect, an Artist and an Engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The Architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The Artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The Engineer said, 'I like both.''Both?'Engineer: 'Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.'

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An Engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.' He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.' The Engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.' Again the Engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want. Why won't you kiss me?' The Engineer said, 'Look, I'm an Engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
Why do Engineers read Playboy? For the same reason the rest of us read National Geographic. To see places they never get to visit.

Understanding Engineers - Take Ten
A Lawyer, a Theologist and an Engineer met in a Mexican bar and got drunk together. They woke up and found themselves in a jail. The Warden came and told them they were to be electrocuted for some obscene crime they have done while drunk. First up was the Lawyer, he was placed in an electric chair. The Warden threw the switch and nothing happened. Feeling that it was the will of God, the Warden let the Lawyer go. The Lawyer exclaimed that it is the Mexican justice system that has spared him. Next came the Theologist. Again the warden threw the switch and nothing happened. Again he was free to go. The Theologist thanked the Lord and exclaimed that God has imposed justice on him. When the Engineer was ready for the chair, he exclaimed to the Warden:' You can never electrocute anyone with the two live wires unconnected. 'YOU DUMB ASS!''